Day Six - East Lansing, MI (updated)

After waking up in Davenport this morning, we drove east to Ottawa. What road trip would be complete without a Lincoln trifecta, and what Lincoln trifecta would be complete without the site of the first Lincoln-Douglas debate. I snapped some pics of Lincoln (pictured below), then took off for Chicago.

We pulled into Chicago fairly easily, but I learned two valuable lessons about driving in that city. First, Chicagoans love to tailgate. Second, they love to swerve. Learning these rules fast, I pulled into a parking garage that had an amazing deal: only $13 for anything under 12 hours. Grumbling, I valued safety of my stuff over value, so I accepted.

Chicago was pretty amazing for the two hours I was there. Graham and I walked the streets, took in the tall buildings like a couple of yokels, and then completed the only mission I had for the city: eat a deep dish pizza. Sure enough, it was fantastic. Afterwards, with a "that was cool, let's leave," we left.

Traffic leaving the city was much worse than it was going in. Major construction prevented us from leaving under an hour, but eventually we crawled away toward our final destination: East Lansing.

In three hours we'd arrived in the place I will be spending no more than the next two hours of my life. We pulled in, struggled to find both the apartment and how to get my key after hours, then unloaded my stuff. Upon entering, I was excited to find that it was actually furnished (I had been told otherwise in e-mails). I was also disappointed to find that it has a strong smell of natural gas. Graham discovered that it was on slightly, and turned it off. However, after two more hours, the smell was still noticable, so I called apartment maintanence, hoping to get an on-call fixit guy. What I got instead were two cops and a fire engine with two firemen. They investigated and, with a "Are you a rube?" sort of attitude, decided that while the range pilot light was on, the stove pilot light was not, and this could be the problem. They called a maintanence person out (which is what I wanted all along) to solve it. Finally, by 4 am EST, we were in bed, fast asleep (hoping to wake up in the morning).

Wes' Pics
Graham's Pics
Quotes of the Day

Wes' Pics:

Good thing I swallowed those condoms full of heroin before I left.


Like Douglas had a chance at those debates. Lincoln could lay down a verbal AND physical smackdown. Hasn't this guy been to the International Wrestling Museum?


Creepy.


Winner? Lincoln by a mile.


Not sure who this guy is, but apparently Ottawa loves him.


Deep dish, deep bite.


L train


Goll-lee! Y'ever seen such big buildin's?


Damn it's big. (If I had a nickel...)

Graham's Pics:

Stunned in Chicago


Delicious deep dish


Chicagoans are known for their weiners

Quotes of the Day:
"This is where I'm gonna die."
Wes, Indiana/Michigan border

Graham: "Snorting and riding the white lines."
Wes: "Riding the white horse to freedom."
-Graham and Wes, just past Michigan border, referring to coked up semi drivers

"I don't think I've ever seen the fire department do a small production."
-Wes, in East Lansing, MI, seconds before the fire engine wails on its way to his apartment

Day Five - Davenport, IA

Early morning, we checked out Omaha. Not nearly as cool as Lincoln, but pretty nice. We stayed mostly in the Old Market area, which is a lot like Pioneer Square in Seattle. We hit up a nice BBQ joint for lunch, then it was off to Davenport.

Along the way, Graham told me about the International Wrestling Museum. He likes wrestling; I don't. But the sweet part was that they had a mural of Abraham Lincoln wrestling. With that, we were on our way to the museum. Sadly, it was closed on Mondays, but I was still able to get my Abe experience through the glass front door. Mission accomplished, we hit one more presidential present.

Graham surprised me with the Herbert Hoover presidential museum and grave. We didn't get a chance to hit up the museum, but we did pop over to where his bones layed. I cursed him for the Depression. Then, realizing I never actually went through it, I apologized, and left.

Once we finally hit Davenport, we checked in and when to investigate the scene. Davenport is part of what's known as the Quad Cities. To give some comparison, Davenport, IA is the Central District, Battendorf, IA is Bellevue, Rock Island, IL Pioneer Square, and Moline, IL is Ballard.

We grabbed a bite in Rock Island, which was good, but found absolutely nothing else to do downtown. While looking, though, I ran into my friend Joe's cousin, Vincent. (I knew him from his stay in Seattle last summer.) I was floored; he was ambivalent. Regardless, I called Joe and let him know what happened. He was shocked, and gave me this bit of advice for what to do in Rock Island: sweat. Having done that, we went back home.

Wes' Pics
Graham's Pics
Quotes of the Day

Wes' Pics:

Old Market in Omaha, NE


Me, in Old Market in Omaha, NE


Omaha men aren't made of steel...they're all wood.


We're the only ones at the International Wrestling Museum. Weird.


Yes. It is a mural of Abraham Lincoln wrestling.


Redneck humor.


Victor: Salesman/Man of the Town


Yup, I checked. He's dead.

Graham's Pics

Securing all my earthly posessions in Omaha.


Skinner's Macaroni Products, Omaha, NE, circa 1936 (plus 70 years).


Graham, in Old Market in Omaha, NE.


One man's fury.


Graham representing at Herbert Hoover's grave


Oops. One too many.


Rock Island, IL/Davenport, IA


Insert joke here.

Quotes of the Day:
"If I were a lesbian woman, I'd be, like, 'Yeah.'"
-Wes, in rural Iowa, regarding the level of attractiveness of a certain lesbian

"They call me Mr. Pibb!"
-Wes, in Grinnel, IA

"If I could commit second-degree murder, it would be against Gwen Stefani."
-Graham, in Marengo, IA

"Show her Lincoln, and show her a good time."
-Graham, Davenport, IA, regarding advice to a dating Wes

Day Four - Omaha, NE

After leaving Cheyenne, we were in for a long drive across what we were told is the most boring state in America to drive across. To our surprise, Nebraska is actually quite nice. Not very flat, very green, and plenty of roadside stuff (I'm looking at you, Wyoming).

We stopped in Kimball, NE for lunch. The only place that was open was the Wooden Keg Bar and Grill, which was inhabited by eight people (including the wait staff). And while there was a juke box, it never once played a song. It was the slowest, quietest, more awkward setting for a simple chicken sandwich I've seen. Oh, and the condiments were served in Gladware containers for us to add ourselves. That said, it was fantastic. Then we got the hell out.

Next, we hit a rest stop, where Graham attempted the trick from hell, aka the front-side full cab heelflip. If you skate, you know how rough it is. If you don't, take my word for it, it's rough. So far no luck, but it will be done before the end of the trip.

After the rest of the long drive, we stopped in at Lincoln, NE. Lincoln was probably the best stop yet. Lincoln combines mid-sized town with fun college town. We grabbed a beer at Lazlo's (pictured), then a pizza at Old Chicago. In between, though, we met a guy who asked why Lincoln sucked so much. Boggled, we said we liked it. He claimed it was too pretentious and had really awful slums (wrong on both counts). We ran into him one more time, complaining about the presence of a Starbucks. I said "We're from Seattle. One Starbucks is fine by me." "Yeah, well, I like it because it hurts the small local businesses," he said. "Wait, you hate Starbucks AND local business?" His reasoning, apparently, was that at least Starbucks took money from Lincoln, which he of course hated. Going nowhere, we got away from him as soon as possible. Then off to Omaha, for a quiet rest.

Wes' Pics
Graham's Pics
Quotes of the Day

Wes' Pics

Double R: KISW Morning show producer/Floor covering entrepreneur


Skate trick in Nebraska? Check.


100,000 miles in Kearney (the geographic middle of America)


Lazlo: KNDD Program director/Brewmaster


Misti: Doctoral candidate/Cocktail bar owner

Graham's Pics:

The absolute only thing going on in York: a gay balloon.

Quotes of the Day:
Graham: "You guys got food?"
Bar owner: "We got burgers and some kinds of food."
-Graham and bar owner, Kimball, NE

"I just put two and two together. Two young dudes, in a small town, drinking light beer, ordering the grilled chicken. They're thinking one thing: 'fags.'"
-Wes, in Kimball, NE

Waitress: "You having fun yet?"
Bar patron: "No."
-Waitress and bar patron, Kimball, NE

"Outlaw sodomy."
-Painted on a tire, roadside Lexington, NE

Wes: "Why are you here if you hate it so much?"
Guy who hates Lincoln: "Uh...I mow this guy's lawn for free rent."
-Wes and weirdo, in Lincoln, NE

Waitress: "I went to Catholic mass for my boyfriend, and communion was held behind a small curtain, like Henrietta Cat was in on Mr. Rogers Neighborhood."
Graham: "Was he in there?"
Waitress: "No."
Graham: "What kind of crappy religion doesn't have cats dressed as nuns?"
-Graham and Waitress, in Lincoln, NE

Day Three - Cheyenne, WY

After getting the hell out of Salt Lake City, we headed east again toward Cheyenne, Wyoming. We stopped in Rock Springs for some tasty Mexican (food that is), had a quick skate break, and headed on. An evil red semi (pictured below) nearly ran me down on several occasions, but I escaped with my life solely to blog it tonight.

Soon enough, we were in Cheyenne, which is better than Salt Lake (but what isn't?). Granted, nothing is happening here, either, but it's a less conformist type of nothing. Plus this state has drive through liquor stores. Bonus.

Wes' Pics
Graham's Pics
Quotes of the Day

Wes' Pics:

Halliburton sucks


The demon truck that nearly ate my Neon


Wyoming Road Trip Essentials


Babies, born meth free


When in Rome...


Lincoln looking down on his inferior subjects


Big Boy


Only three out of four them are drunk


Insert joke here

Graham's Pics:

Two men, one vision


Graham, circa 1892


American road trip, American lagers

Quotes of the Day:
Wes: "What part of the chicken is three-pronged?"
Graham: "Pollo loco."
-Wes and Graham, in Rock Springs, WY, referring to a piece of chicken meat

"Reach between your legs and grab some of your doughy balls."
-Graham, in Rock Springs, WY, referring to the donuts at my feet

"Semis are gay."
-Graham, in the middle of Wyoming

"Everyone looks like they eat dirt here."
-Wes, in Cheyenne, WY

"I put that down like Old Yeller."
-Wes, in Cheyenne, WY, referring to his dinner

"I'm gonna eat my cat
Gonna do it tonight
I'm gonna eat my hat
Gonna do it right."
-Graham (singing), in Cheyenne, WY

"There's a lot of nobodys doing nothing."
-Graham, in Cheyenne, WY

Day Two - Salt Lake City, UT (updated)

Done with day two. While Boise was a pleasant surprise with how cool it was, Salt Lake City was a big let down. For a southwest hub, it's really lame. And yeah, I know it's crawling with the acolytes of John Smith, but we got in town at around 7pm, got dinner around 8, and got out by around 9. And on a Friday night, finding a restaurant or even people walking around the streets was nearly impossible. It's like Stepford, USA, and your mayor is Ned Flanders.

Afterward, we went to Park City, about twenty minutes out of SLC, to crash at my friend Lauren's friend's condo. It speaks to the generosity of the Utahans, when they'll let two unknowns sleep in their beds when they're not home. Props to them in that respect.

Wes' Pics
Graham's Pics
Quotes of the Day
BONUS PICS

Wes' Pics:

Velma worked to make Boise a better place, and yet...


Skateboarding is banned. You blew it, Velma.


Center of the Universe, my ass.


You can't say Boise doesn't know how to party.


"High Class Hillbilly."


This is an illustration of Evil Knievel blowing it, trying to jump Twin Falls gorge.


The gorge itself. Evil is a sissy.


Censored for your pleasure.


Watch your hand, sport.


Burley Paul. He sounds tough.


Skate park. Skate trick in Utah? Check.

Graham's pics:

Boise State Capitol


Warren Cat Power (Graham's from Warren, PA)


False Advertising


It's the choice of a new generation


The happiest meal of all


Evil's gorge


Idaho hates the earth


A classic: The Cow Boys of Moo Mesa


Brigham City Capitol Building


Salt Lake City


How they got Clint Howard AND Gary Coleman in the same movie, I'll never know.


What am I talking about? A shitty movie, that's what.


Tie One On: Home of the only hot girl in SLC


What is it with these people and trumpets?


Down in front


Ugly man, tiny pitcher


Sorry ladies, he's taken


Skateboard injury = Hall of Meat

Quotes of the Day:
"I wish my chest had sunglasses."
-Wes, in Boise, to the heat

"Velma put the kibosh on skateboarding. Those are three words I never thought would be in the same sentence."
-Wes, in Boise

Graham: "Are you flying?"
Wes: "Yes. I am in my flying machine."
-Graham and Wes, Bliss, OR, about the speed of the car

"You keep talkin', I'll keep gawkin'."
-Graham, in Fall City, ID, about a girl with a misshapen pupil

"I wanna go corn skiing."
-Graham, in Burley, ID, in response to my question about if he wanted to ski

"Freedom to fly, freedom to die."
-Graham, Bear River, UT, about the abundance of helmetless bikers

"Mormons don't believe in dirt. It wasn't written in the holy hat."
-Graham, in Brigham City, UT, about the creepy level of cleanliness

"You want me to call [my old friend] Heest, or eat a cat's arm?"
-Graham, in Brigham City, UT

"There was a song written about school operators. [sings to the tune of "Smooth Operator] Schoooool operator..."
-Random lurker, in Salt Lake City, UT

"You're playing America's least favorite doctor. Dr. Vague."
-Wes, in Park City, UT, about someone who was rather unhelpful

BONUS PICS

Bulgy Graham


Dented Wes


Thermal Graham